All You Need to Know
by Tamar Kay
Copyright © Tamar Kay.
You walk into the monthly meeting
or party. Someone gives you a look, then whispers to a person
nearby. You tense, then relax as you overhear them say something
like: "What I wouldn't give to play with her. She's supposed
to be incredible."
You may have to watch your ego,
but those are problems you want to have. If you're serious about
being a good player, whether top, bottom or switch, you want
to be wanted. You'll need experience, of course, but how else
do you, as a relative newcomer, get from where you are to being
the sort of partner that people (or the right person) will seek
out (and whisper nice things about?)
All you need to know is -- well,
Unfortunately, I can't tell you
what I think you should know in a few hundred words a month in
this monthly newsletter. Even if I had thousands of words a day,
and could offer private lessons too, it would be only this woman's
opinion. What you need to do is to learn from many sources, and
think about and practice what you learn.
I'm going to suggest some written
resources here that I find valuable or that others have recommended
to me. I'll tell you where I think you can get them (although
there are no doubt other places, too. It's not a sacred list,
it's just my list.
So check 'em out. Study. Get
good at your craft, be honest and considerate, and you'll get
those looks and whispers.
SM101, by Jay Wiseman. this book
is considered by many to be the best single reference around.
It goes over all the basics, yet is worth reading no matter what
your level of experience. (Available at Spartacus and through
JT Toys catalog.) The second edition, available from Greenery
Press for cost + $3 for shipping & handling.
DIFFERENT LOVING, by Gloria and
William Brame. This is a survey of different aspects of d/s,
with a gentle approach and personal essays in each section. If
you're not sure of where your interests lie, this book can be
a great help. (Available at the Crimson Phoenix.)
THE SEXUALLY DOMINANT WOMAN:
A Workbook for Nervous Beginners, by Lady Green. A reference
for woman who are just starting as tops. (JT Toys catalog.)
THE LEATHERMAN'S HANDBOOK II,
by Larry Townsend. This cultural and technical exploration of
the gay men's leather scene discusses issues relevant to serious
players of all orientations, and describes some of the more formal
traditions. (Spartacus and JT Toys.)
TIES THAT BIND, by Guy Baldwin.
A series of essays dealing with a wide range of issues, relationship
structures, emotional landmines, and personal responsibility.
An excellent exploration for those who are serious not only about
the leather lifestyle but about becoming more self-aware.
THE HISTORY OF THE ROD, by (the
Reverend) William M. Cooper. The author of this turn-of-the-century
history wants it known that this is "neither for the prurient
nor the prudish." If you think that BDSM is a recent development,
think again. This history travels from convent to bedroom and
includes drawings. (The book is out of print. If you find extra
copies, please contact me, as I would like to purchase them.)
(To get a JT Toys catalog, phone
1-800-755-8697. They are kink-friendly and helpful.)
Copyright © Tamar Kay.
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